I’m going to go on record to state that I find store-bought egg nog to be of the devil. It’s pure evil in a carton, the Beelzebub of beverages. The reason I know this to be true is that I know what real egg nog tastes like, and it is NOT that demon-concocted slime that pours out of festively decorated boxes of false promises each holiday season!

The false promises are all about people being fooled, tempted, entrapped into thinking the contents won’t lead to hellish abuse of one’s tastebuds.

Not only do I know the good side of egg nog, but I know how easy it is to make good egg nog. I only have it once a year, during tree trimming activities, but I enjoy it each year while decorating the tree in Rudolph ornaments.

Honestly, I’ve had that glop that the stores sell, with over-pasteurized whitish liquid that’s over-spiced with nutmeg. The stuff has to be cooked in black cauldrons during animal sacrifices in order to make the eggs safe… but at what cost? Your soul.

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